JUDGEMENT!: In Time

Sometimes when I write these reviews I wanna sound like a little kid. I don’t always want to devote even a paragraph to some movies I watch. With this one I just want to shout “This is stupid!” and throw my toys on the ground and walk away. But I wont do that. You all deserve to be warned about this dumbass film. The director Andrew Niccol who wrote and/or directed The Truman Show, Gattaca, and Lord of War. So he has the ability to do good. But with this nonsense? Nope. Its like he didn’t even try.

The movie stars Justin Timberlake (Friends With Benefits, Yogi Bear, Social Network) is Will Salas. He’s a young man living his life on the clock. Literally. In this future or whatever the hell it is everyone is given 25 years to live until a glowing clock on your arm starts ticking down the amount of time you have left before you die. Why? Don’t know. How do the clocks work? Is it science, magic, or a digital Jesus? Cant tell you. Don’t know. His mama played by Olivia Wilde (House MD, Cowboys & Aliens, The Change Up) is celebrating her birthday. Yeah, she is 25 as well. They stop aging as well. Fuck me. They don’t even say how this occurs. It just does.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 24

“If you think rumors are bad now, imagine when you couldn’t even have pictures to corroborate the evidence.” - Alex


“I go to church. I do not watch cult films.” - Martin Slacks


“Every dude, if they got a robot, the first thing they’re gonna do is look through the manual for the sex setting.” - Dante

In this long ass episode Dante and Alex discuss The Big Bang Theory, Moneyball, The Ides Of March, Drive, the fact they missed their 1 Year Anniversary of The DNA Show last week, a surprise visit from Martin Slacks, the Top 5 movies at the box office, and the Top 5 Comedians Of All Time. Click here to get some DNA Show on your face.

JUDGEMENT!: The Ides Of March & Real Steel

I don’t wanna right off the bat call this a political thriller because its not. I also don’t want to call it a drama because The Ides Of March is more than that. I’m having a hard time describing this film but what I can say is that I really enjoy it. If you had told me that a movie about a guy running for office would be one of the best films I have seen this year I would have said “Who are you and how did you get into my home?!”

I cant cover this like I do many of my reviews because there are far too many actors in it who put in such great performances. There is a scene where George Clooney (Oh Brother Where Art Thou?, Burn After Reading, The American) and Ryan Gosling (Drive, Crazy Stupid Love, Half Nelson) go back and forth with each other in a verbal tennis match that should inspire anyone that wants to be an actor. Philip Seymour Hoffman (Punch Drunk Love, Moneyball, Capote) has some very good scenes where if he were going up against anyone other than Paul Giamotti (Sideways, Win/Win, American Splendor) would have gotten chewed up and spit out.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 23

“That’s a lot of dick.” - Alex


“The second thing I’ll say in prison.” - Dante

The lords of the dance are back! This week Dante and Alex cover last weekends Top 10 Films, review Real Steel, 50/50, Killer Elite, The Thing, and also the Top 5 Creature Features. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows!

JUDGEMENT!: Drive

“If I drive for you, you give me a time and a place. I give you a five-minute window, anything happens in that five minutes and I'm yours no matter what. I don't sit in while you're running it down; I don't carry a gun... I drive.”

I didn’t even want to see this movie. I saw the trailers and commercials for it and it looked like a chase film and if Vin Diesel isn’t driving in a chase film or if it wasn’t made in the 70’s I probably wont like it. But a co-worker told me to see this and after his recommendation on Devil’s Double I decided to check this out. Twice. Yes, I went to The Grove and saw this movie two times in three days.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 22

“Someone told me that he was skinny and literally went ‘No, no fucking way. He’ll never get skinny’ just out of pure spite.” - Alex


“Well no one’s ever shot up a school because they were a fan of Lady Gaga.” - Dante

In this technical difficulty laden episode Dante & Alex cover the Top 10 at the box office, Scarlett Johansson nude art, Facebook vs. Google+, movie review of Drive, Sherlock Holmes 2 trailer, Alex’s hatred of Marilyn Manson, Jonah Hill’s weight loss, The Lone Ranger, Resident Evil: Retribution, Thor 2, a Scarface reboot, a Sarah Palin documentary, have a discussion about whether or not Rated R makes films better, comedians translating to film, and Turtles Forever animated movie. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 21

"Sexy vampires do not equate to sexy Frankenstein." - Alex


"I'm sorry. I turn into the Kool-Aid Man when I'm horny!" - Dante


The boys are back in town! Top 10 movies of the weekend…sorta, Scarlett Johansson nude pictures, Spiderman reboot, Warrior, Trollhunter, horror film responsibilities, the inevitable arrival of internet TV, Evil Dead remake, complaints about Terra Nova, changing old films like ET and Star Wars, Charlie Sheen faking going crazy, Alex chastises Dante for not watching Dr. Who, publicly funded art, top 100 comedies lists, and the Top 5 Worst Remakes/Reboots Shit That Should Not Be Made Films. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows.

JUDGEMENT!: Warrior

Due to the anniversary of September 11th 2001 and a generally slow box office this movie will probably not get the praise or box office totals it deserves. Warrior is one of those types of films that come out once in a great while. Luckily The Fighter from last year came out and made boxing movies seem relevant. This one focuses on MMA (mixed martial arts) and I believe that even if you’re not a fan of the sport, fighting movies, or violence that you will still see this movie and like you. Hell, you might even shed a tear or two. There are spoilers below.

JUDGEMENT!: Apollo 18 & Horrible Bosses

This time I’m gonna give you all a twofer since neither one of these films warrants a full review. And yes, there will be spoilers. Up first is Apollo 18 starring Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen and Ryan Robbins as three astronauts manning the Apollo 18 spacecraft.

The format of the movie is kinda strange and could’ve been awesome if used in moderation. Cameras from the shuttle and the crew members tell the tale of two of the astronauts walking on the moon and collecting specimens. There are strange happenings going on however and if you happen to miss them because of the grainy camera ass camera the shot actually pauses and focuses on what you should’ve been able to see.

JUDGEMENT!: Mortal Kombat Legacy

It had to have been like late last year when the Mortal Kombat Rebirth came out and I saw it. I watched it and was immediately screaming “When is this being made into a movie?!” I mean, as much as I love the first Mortal Kombat film, it was lacking in so many areas. Still, nothing like watching Goro get punched in the nuts by Johnny Cage.

JUDGEMENT!: Red State

“How much do you think a cross like that costs?”


“In dollars or common sense?”


“Ah. Zing!”

I need this start this off by saying that I have been a fan of Kevin Smith and his films for years. From Clerk’s, which only got funnier after working behind a cash register and being named Dante, to his latest film, Red State.

I listen to Smith’s and Ralph Garman’s (Family Guy, Sharktopus, Kevin & Bean Show) podcast Hollywood Babylon every week for laughs. I remember when they first started talking about making this movie and Ralph being gone while it filmed. Smith actually edited the movie while making it and at the wrap party was able to pretty much show the cast and crew a damn near finished product.

JUDGEMENT!: Fright Night

“Hey, guy. You've been watching me. I've been watching you. Your mom. There's a kind of neglect. Gives off a kind of scent. And your girl? She is ripe. It's on you to look out for them because there are a lot of bad people out there, Charlie.”

When someone says something like this to you in my world that means its either time to run until my feet burst into flames or kill something. So I watched Fright Night. I wont even call it a remake since that would be insulting to the original. This was utter shit in every sense of the word.

JUDGEMENT!: Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

So I finally got around to watching Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. Damn, I need a soda after writing that long ass title. From now on I will refer to it as Rise. This movie is about chimps being taken from the jungles and experimented on. There is a cure for Alzheimer’s that needs to be found, and damn it, we need these monkeys to do it!

James Franco (127 Hours, Pineapple Express, Eat Pray Love) is researcher Will Rodman whose father played by John Lithgow (3rd Rock From the Sun, Dexter, The World According To Garp) is suffering from Alzheimer’s and Will is doing everything he can to find a cure. After an ape breaks free and is taken down. They discover she had a baby that Will takes home. The ape, Caesar, inherited all of his mother’s abilities and is very smart.

JUDGEMENT!: Conan The Barbrian

Now this is what’s called a shitty film. Is it shitty because of the acting? The effects? The dialogue? The directing? Yes to everything above. This was pretty bad all around. A lot of people have to defend themselves against not liking this by saying that they weren’t huge fans of the Arnold versions. I hold no special place in my heart for the old movie or the comics. I liked the cartoon though.

What the movie doesn’t make up for in what is bad it does with lots of Conan screaming orders. “Hey!” Yeah, that’s about it. The actor playing him, Jason Momoa (Baywatch Hawaii, Game Of Thrones, Stargate: Atlantis) is a living mannequin. There is nothing special about what he brings except the fact that he looks the part. He’s actually the least terrifying person in the movie. He was scarier at 12. Speaking of which…

JUDGEMENT!: Young Justice

I would have never found out about this cartoon if a friend hadn’t started posting links from Youtube (click to watch episodes 1 & 2) since a few years ago I said “No more!” to the oppressive cable gods. Young Justice is rare in that it’s a watchable cartoon. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not but for almost a decade now cartoons have been utter shit. Many of my friends have heard my tirades regarding the crap kids have to watch. Big eyed girls dressing like hookers, dragons in wheelchairs, and pets getting the Michael Vick treatment are all that’s on TV.

The last new cartoons I was able to enjoy were Recess and Kim Possible (which you should not Google unless you need to see what thousands of fucking perverts have done to a teenage cartoon character).

Bitchfest: Remake Roundup

Hello, kiddies, Alex here.  While I know that I basically go on a weekly diatribe about the horror that remakes and reiterations of ulterior properties entails, I thought I would spend a minute and list the disgusting cadre of remade schlock that is jumping from the pre-production limbo that is show business, to the production lines.

Bitchfest: Digital TV

You know what’s cool about having your own blog? You can bitch about whatever you want and have people all around the world read it. The DNA Show has fans in the U.S, Latvia, Germany, the U.K, Ireland, France, Italy, and Malaysia. Which means they will all hear me complain about digital TV.

This new series of articles will be called Bitchfest. Just complaints about anything involving entertainment that we, young Alex and I, don’t discuss on The DNA Show. Today’s complaint about digital TV is that it sucks. It flat out sucks. Before the digital conversion I had rabbit ear antennas. And they worked perfectly fine. If a channel did not come in I just moved the antenna an inch or so and voila!

Not so fast.

JUDGEMENT!: Attack The Block

This is how its supposed to feel when you go to a theater. When you plop down however much it is you spend when you see a movie, you have an expectation to feel an emotion. Depending on what the film is you will feel joy, sadness, inspiration, fear, or horny. Maybe all at once in which case you need to see a doctor or go to church. This movie, Attack The Block, made me feel alive. That’s the only way I can truly describe it.

My boss had been urging me to see this for days and I kept putting it off. After a threat from him (you never take threats from Australians lightly!) I headed to The Arclight and saw this. The theater was actually quite full and I had a perfect seat in the center. Popcorn in one hand, large Coke in the other, goofy ass introduction from the staff, and its show time!

Spoilers are aplenty!

FAP FILES: The Vergara's

Sometimes there are things in life that are not fair. When Rosario Dawson dated Smith Jarrod from Sex In The City. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt being together. Ryan Reynolds working his way through my Spank Bank one woman at a time. Well, today I discovered something new to be mad about. Sofia Vergara has a hot young sister!

Who is Sofia Vergara, you ask? Oh, just her!

Yeah. Take that all in. She’s on Modern Family and a bunch of films I have never seen or don’t care to look up. What is important is that she is hot. Like, stutarded hot. Uncomfortably hot. There is nothing wrong with this woman. If anyone thinks she looks okay or not hot you need to turn yourself into the authorities because you are a fucking nutcase! A loon! A jive talkin’ motherless candidate for the psycho hatch!

And here is here sister. Look at her. Look at her! They are related. That is not fair. Why is it not fair? Just because. Her name is Sandra Vergara. Her sister Sofia is 39. Sandra is 26. Is there some other Vergara’s floating around that I need to know about?! Some 45 year old sister? 18? Tell me!

Oh, fap…

JUDGEMENT!: Cowboys & Aliens

I have been seeing the trailer for Cowboys & Aliens for a long ass time. So long that I no longer even cared to see it. But I broke down and watched it. The story has a very basic every day premise. Cowboy wakes up with no memory, has a laser gun attached to his wrist, fights invaders. You know. The usual.

Daniel Craig (Layer Cake, Casino Royal, Munich) stars as lost cowboy Jake Lonergan. He wakes up bleeding and in the middle of the desert with a big ass bracelet stuck to his wrist. He makes it to a run down town that of course is run by a crooked ass guy played by Harrison Ford (do I really need to tell you what films he’s been in?!). His son played by Paul Dano (There Will be Blood, Where The Wild Things Are) Percy Dolarhyde, a cowardly asshole who walks around town firing his guns.

After Lonergan and Percy are arrested, Percy for shooting a guy in the arm and Lonergan for kicking everyone’s ass, these spaceships show up out of nowhere and start blasting the shit out of everyone and snatching them into their ships. Ford aka The Colonel round up a posse and they go hunting for aliens.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 20

“Everything he touches turns to HIV!”- Alex


“I want to enjoy my film but now I cant because there’s a 90 pound girl shooting rifles in the desert while I enjoy Batman!” - Dante


“He’s literally falling apart.” - Tara

In this long awaited episode your heroes young Alex and Dante are joined by a real life girl! Her name is Tara and she and the men-children discuss Harry Potter, the Top 10 movies of the weekend, Kevin James being paid in food, Tara buys tickets to movies she doesn’t see, using a train to wipe your ass (it makes sense when explained), Transformers, Shia LeBouf being an asshole, Captain America, movie trailers making you feel guilty, the new Spiderman trailer, Green Lantern, make Professor X and Magneto a homosexual Nazi fighting duo, and Dante shares his fear of cock windmills. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows!

JUDGEMENT!: Captain America: The First Avenger

Let me start this by stating that there will be a ton of spoilers in this review. So if you plan on seeing it don’t read this just yet. Or if you’re one of those people that don’t give a damn then keep on reading.

One of the first things I said after seeing this movie (besides telling my friend that now that Patton Oswald held a door open for him when leaving the theater) was “Now this is how you do a superhero movie!” Captain America: The First Avenger automatically made it to the list of my top five favorite superhero/comic book films next to Sin City, Hellboy, Dark Knight Returns, and Blade 2.

JUDGEMENT!: Bridesmaids

“This is the first time I've seen you look ugly, and that makes me happy!”

This movie was funny. There’s your review! But seriously, Bridesmaids was one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. I was going to say this year but in all honesty, I haven’t laughed that hard throughout a movie since Stepbrothers and everyone knows how much I loved that film.

The movie stars Kristen Wiig (How To Train Your Dragon, Knocked Up, SNL) as Annie. Annie has a failed cake business that she literally watches fall apart (like when someone changes the name from “Cake Baby” to “Cock Baby”). She is so cheap that she sneaks and watches people exercise in the park so she doesn’t have to pay. A very funny cameo by Terry Crews (The Expendables, Everybody Hates Chris, Get Smart).

On Blast Designs by Andrew Kishino

Today I got to meet up with the one and only Andrew “Kish” Kishino. I have heard some of his music, loved it, and met him through one of the best MC’s Dan-e-o a couple years ago. Kishino has a new t-shirt that says so much with so little.

Yeah, you know you want it! Just contact him by clicking this link RIGHT HERE and order one. Its 100% cotton and made in Los Angeles. They come in sizes Medium through Extra Large and are produced by On Blast Designs. Check out and follow Kish on Twitter, Facebook, and of course Youtube. Or you can check IMDB for the realist cat I know.

Andrew Kishino has been featured in video games (GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, Kung Fu Panda, Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2, Mortal Kombat). Cartoons (The LeBrons, GI Joe: Renegades, The Spectacular Spiderman). Announcing and narrating (America’s Got Talent, Best Damn Sports Show Period, E! True Hollywood Story). If you have a TV or play video games you’ve heard him and probably didn’t know. Until now. He’s friggin’ Storm Shadow!

“Hoodafukayoo?!”

JUDGEMENT!: Green Lantern

“Anything I see in my mind, I can create…” - Green Lantern

I wish he could’ve seen making a good film. Yeah, you all can see where this is going. Like millions of others I have seen Green Lantern and will commence to taking a giant, steaming, Texas sized shit on it. I mean, wow. As I sit here letting this movie sink into my mind I can only ask myself “Who was this film for?”

Surely it wasn’t for fans of Green Lantern the character. Maybe it was for fans of Ryan Reynolds (Smokin’ Aces, Just Friends, Waiting). Because if you really want to see a great Green Lantern film all’s you gotta do is check out Green Lantern: First Flight. Now that was a cool ass flick. This…not so much.

This is the story of Hal Jordan who finds a downed spaceship that has an alien that gives him a ring of great power and its battery. Hal isn’t even kinda shocked to not only find a spaceship but a friggin’ alien. Not afraid of mystery diseases it may have or anything. So he buries it. Yeah. Under a pile of rocks. You cant do that in minutes, people. Trust me. I know. Don’t ask.

Old Testaments!: Three O'Clock High

“I want you to understand something Jerry. I don't like people knowing about me, in fact I don't like it when anyone knows about me. So you can take that paper of yours and wipe off your dick with it! You made me mad Jerry…now I'm gonna have to do something to work it off.” 

Since I am tired of the terrible movies that have been coming out I decided to try something new. I want to talk about some of my favorite films from when I was a kid. A lot of people grew up loving the John Hughes films. Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Less Than Zero, Pretty In Pink. These are what they normally name when asked about their favorites. Mine has been and will always be Three O’Clock High.

“What the hell is Three O’Clock High?!” you ask?

JUDGEMENT!: Super 8

I watched Super 8 after the urging of a few of my friends who enjoyed the film. I’m not a huge Steven Spielberg fan who produced this or J.J Abrams who directed. I liked Felicity and the latest Star Trek film. Didn’t like Lost or Alias. When I first saw the trailer for this last year I was like “Whoa.” It was just a train car shaking violently and that was it. All I could think was “Whatever the hell is in that thing it better be awesome!”

I’m a huge fan of aliens so when I found out that this was about that I was all excited. But then I remembered J.J Abrams last film with aliens. Yes, Cloverfield. That fucking film made me want to throw up with the amount of shaking in it. So now I’m nervous. Will I get sick? Will I be annoyed? Will I chase Abrams down and box his ears?

Spoilers below!

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 19

"Like, that is a one note pony that does not need to keep noting." - Alex


"There used to be a time, it was called the 80's, if you did something bad, like if you did something really fucked up and bad like that was it!" - Dante

In this video episode (which will later be converted to audio) Dante and Alex discuss Tracy Morgan talking about gays, Russell Crowe apologizing for a Twitter comment, rant about Kevin James, before and after reviews of the X-Men: First Class film, how to handle a friend that talks too much during a film, a very large man wearing a very small outfit, Alex confesses to spilling his liquids on some poor girl, and plans to watch Green Lantern. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows!

Part 1



Part 2



Part 3



Part 4

JUDGEMENT!: X: Men First Class (Dante Edition)

I tried for a bit to not see this movie. Had no desire to since just from the trailer I didn’t know if this was part of the previous X: Men films or not. Even after seeing the film I’m still not exactly sure. But what I am sure about is that Magneto is one of the most bad ass characters to ever exist and if you don’t believe it, here’s a coin for you!

The film starts with a flashback of a young Magneto being separated from his family during the Holocaust. Later he is held captive by Kevin Bacon (Every Movie Ever) as Sebastian Shaw. He wants to have young Erik Lehnsherr move a Nazi coin to show his powers. Erik tries and cant. They bring his mom in and Shaw tells him to move the coin in three seconds or his mom gets pumped full of lead. Erik still cant so, bye-bye, mommy! Erik loses his shit and everything metal gets crunched and he kills two guards in the process.

JUDGEMENT!: Fast Five

I tried to not like this film. I seriously did. I was mad at how much it made when it debuted and couldn’t understand how this movie could pull in so much money with actors who aren’t really known for blockbusters. But I have to admit when I am wrong. Fast Five was pretty good.

Let me state that I refused to watch the third and fourth films. I saw one and two and the second one left a bad taste in my mouth. So it took me a while to give this movie a chance. The premise is pretty basic. Fast cars being used to either steal faster cars or money. In this case its both. It takes place in Brazil and I am terribly upset at the lack of hot Brazilian ass. Too many skinny dames running around wearing nothing doesn’t do a thing for me.

JUDGEMENT!: X: Men First Class

Quinno, a friend of mine from back in the day, recently saw the new film X: Men First Class. I read his review of the film on facebook and died laughing and asked if I could post it here on The DNA Show. Hope you all enjoy.

The Good: The movie should’ve been titled "X-Men Origins: Magnet Featuring Random X-Men Characters From Random Timelines With Random Events With A Total Disregard Of Any Continuity To The Comic Books." The reason for this...Magneto was friggin‘ awesome!!! He makes every other mutant in the movie look like weak sauce lil girls. I found myself thinking, "If he decided to slaughter the rest of the team, they couldn’t stop him." There's a scene at the end with a coin. You’ll see what I mean.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 18

“Kate Hudson should be taken about as seriously as uh insignificant traces of diarrhea.” - Alex

“No one wants to think. Fuck think!” - Dante

Back again for the first time! This is the first time The DNA Show has been recorded with both hosts together! They discuss Alex’s wardrobe, traveling cross country, Top 10 Box Office films, Josh Whedon’s film career, the Marvel movies, superhero genre, Natalie Portman gets broken down by Alex, Sex & The City, Dante watching elephants having sex for the first time, ageism, Nicki Minaj, the types of women we like, the power of church girl outfits, the state of comedy, Priest, why we want to see a bad Spiderman on Broadway, shooting shows on the cheap, the Wonder Woman series being cancelled, and doing things for the love of it. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows!

JUDGEMENT!: Priest

Priest aka Legion 2 or Legion With Vampires was a crock of shit. I barely want to write a review about this lame ass movie but I want my friends to be warned about this nonsense before they waste any money seeing it. This movie was nothing but an 80 minutes (yes, they couldn’t even squeeze 10 more minutes out of this turd) trailer for likely more of these films. I hope not.

Paul Bettany (Legion, The Tourist, The Da Vinci Code) stars as Priest. That’s his name. He is an outlaw amongst his priest, a team of no longer needed slayers of vampires. At least they are believed to not be needed until vampires emerge and kidnap the wrong girl played by Lily Collins (90210, The Blind Side). He heads out to kill them until his team is sent to take him out instead.

Spoilers are all over the place after this.

JUDGEMENT!: Thor

“This mortal form grows weak. I require sustenance!”

Ever since I first saw the billboard and the costume for Thor I’ve been all kinds of excited to see this movie. This will be connecting with the previous Hulk films, Iron Man, and the upcoming Captain America to combine the Avengers movie. I have already said that I wouldn’t see Avengers just because Hulk with Mark Ruffalo has me mad before its even come out. Anyway, Thor was good but I do have some complaints.

Chris Hemsworth (Star Trek, A Perfect Getaway) stars as Thor, the god of fucking thunder! A brash prince who wields the powerful Mjolnir. During a coronation where his father Odin played by Anthony Hopkins (The Wolfman, Silence Of The Lambs, Dracula) is about to crown Thor Asgard is attacked. Thor gets pissed and heads off to battle ice giants. After his team gets hurt and they get their asses saved by Odin Thor gets stripped of his powers and sent to Earth.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 17

“Jason Stathum…” - Alex


“Dating Tyra Banks proves nothing except you have no good sense.” - Dante

In this episode Dante and Alex discuss the Top 10 Box Office, the sad state of summer films, why Furious Five angers them, Dr. Who premiere, and honorable mentions. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows!

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 16

“They’ve taken my man flower!” - Alex


“Dude, she went to fucking Africa or some other place they keep lots of Black people like Watts or something.” - Dante

In this “refried-fucking-diculous” episode (Alex said it) Dante and Alex discuss their Top Five Guilty Pleasure Films, Dr. Who, rewriting Taken and switching Liam Neeson and his daughters places, a new segment titled Who Would You Rather?, Alex’s Penis Update, Martin Slacks shows up again to proclaim his love of all that is Eddie Murphy, Dante suggests a baby kill itself after sucking Selma Hayek’s boob, and the show goes off the rails after that. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows. Click here to find Dante on Twitter and here to find Alex.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 15

“I know shitty movies like the back of my hand. That’s terrifying.” - Alex


“If he fingered her you would see his fingernail come out the top of her head.” - Dante

In this episode Dante and Alex talk about Captain America, Planet of the Apes, Hangover 2, Sucker Punch, Alex reviews Arthur, Sleeping Beauty, Mickey Rourke’s new film Passion Play plus our hatred of Megan Fox, Dante goes on an epic tirade about Bjork and Dancer In The Dark, the Comedy Awards, Lonely Island, Alex's broken penis, and the terrible films coming out this summer. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows!

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 14

“I paid $9 to sit in a theater to get skull fucked by mediocrity and failure.” - Alex


“If you saw the trailer and then went and saw the movie and didn’t like it you’re a fucking retard because I don’t know what you were planning to see.” - Dante

In this long awaited episode Dante and Alex discuss the weekends Top 10 Films at the box office, movie reviews of Drive Angry, Limitless, Punisher War Zone, The Mechanic, Sucker Punch, having sex with cartoon characters, try to solve the riddle that is Christian Slater’s career, the Top 5 (?) Cartoons Of All Time, and some guy named Martin Slacks shows up. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows! Don’t forget to stick around at the end for some surprises!

JUDGEMENT!: Catfish

Catfish functioned off of the same marketing brilliance that The Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity utilized, promising audiences a massive payoff of spectacle at the end of an (allegedly) true documentary. While Blair Witch and Paranormal both are admittedly fictional, however, Catfish rode the majority of its press junkets insisting that all the materials held within were, in fact, 100% factual. And regardless of the content, any event that promises, overtly, that all of its contents are COMPLETELY true is obviously broadcasting the notion that what you are about to view is simply TOO incredible to be true. In the case of Catfish, however, nothing could, in fact, be further from the truth.

JUDGEMENT!: Whatever Works

In what is becoming an exercise in writing more concisely, I’m going to try to eviscerate a work from a few years back (Dante keeps you up-to-date on modern cinema, while I review things that I can dig up at the local library) in the most succinct way possible. I watched, Woody Allen’s Whatever Works recently and was absolutely appalled by the pathetically low-caliber tone that engulfed the entirety of the film.

Christian Bale Makes Everything Better

While watching some of the latest internet videos that have been getting tons of attention, I, Dante, figured that they would be better with a little Christian Bale sprinkled in. Because, honestly, who doesn't need a little Bale in their lives?

JUDGEMENT!: Limitless

I wasn’t super excited to see this movie. I had seen the trailer and it had me hooked until it looked like it was becoming this kinda chase film. Oh, don’t you love bad marketing? The trailer actually misleads you but not in a good way. Lots of movies the past few years either feature scenes that aren’t in the movie or flat out show you the entire film. This one says “This is what happens!” and makes me not want to see it.

The movie stars Bradley Cooper (The Hangover, Alias, A-Team) as Eddie Morra, a lazy writer who gets dumped by his girlfriend played by Abbie Cornish (Sucker Punch, Bright Star). She knows he can be better but he just cant. Eddie bumps into his ex wife’s brother Vernon played by Johnny Whitworth (3:10 To Yuma, Empire Records, Gamer). Vernon offers him a clear little pill to take that will change his life.

JUDGEMENT!: Sucker Punch

“If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.”

Holy shit. I swear. I was excited about this movie months ago after Alex told me about the trailer. I watched it, wiped my pants off, and patiently waited until this came out. Some people said it looked silly. Some said it looked like it wouldn’t be good. I said “I don’t care what this movie is like. If there are hot chicks wearing almost nothing and shooting robots and shit, I’ll see it.”

I got what I wanted! I got what I wanted and more. I will try not to spoil this too much because I want people to see this movie and still have some surprises if they see it. Before I get started allow me to state how amazing the soundtrack for this film was. I will be buying it this week because I haven’t gotten this many goose bumps from music in a film since Goodfellas and Snatch.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 13

“Can you imagine being married to the dude who made Pi? Can you fucking imagine that? Like, that would be an every day hell. That would just be a daily reminder of what is depressing and sad in this world.” - Alex

“That‘s the thing. Its like they did the right thing as they did--why the fuck is Hulk Hogan on American Idol?!”- Dante

In this episode Alex and Dante discuss the weekends top ten movies, Battle: Los Angeles, another Spiderman on Broadway injury, Wonder Woman, Wolverine‘s director leaving, Wrestlemania, the 3 Stooges movie, Tangled, the Akira live action film, Japan, Alex has a nervous breakdown, and for some reason world issues. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows!

JUDGEMENT!: Battle: Los Angeles

“I’d rather be in Afghanistan.”

So would I after watching this film. Who are you people that like this film and keep it in the top ten? I love films full of explosions. I love films full of violence. Aliens? Yes, please! But this film, though having all of the above, lacks one thing I need no matter what the film is. No, not a story (seeing as how Hudson Hawk is one of my favorite films).

People I care about.

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 12

“Luke Skywalker is dangling from some sort of terminal--tower--I don’t fucking know. It’s the future.” - Alex


“Dirt people are our future. Its gonna happen. Be prepared.” - Dante

In this episode Alex and Dante go down their list of the Top Five Twist Endings In Film. They also discuss the fact that M. Night Shamalan was once a good director, Stephen King past writing abilities, and being attached to characters in films. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows!

The Dante & Alex Show Episode 11

“I will never forgive Twilight for basically giving movie studio executives the go ahead to produce girl porn.” - Alex


“I’ve been Shamalan’d! I figured out the ending before I was supposed to!” - Dante


In this episode Alex and Dante discuss the Top 10 films at the box office, gay porn filmed where King’s Speech was, the Oscar’s, The Adjustment Bureau, I Am Number 4, Unknown, Blade Runner, Amanda Siegfried’s creepy eyes, how awesome Phil Lamarr is, Morgan Spurlock’s latest documentary The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, Catfish, Woody Allen being a shaky director, Alex interrupts Dante to discuss Dane Cook, WB cartoons, and Batman: Under The Red Hood. Click here to download this and past DNA Shows!

JUDGEMENT!: I Am Number 4

Its hard to blend in when you look like a supermodel. So I finally watched I Am Number 4 aka Smallville Marathon. That’s not a knock on the film or Smallville because truth be told I used to be a huge fan of Smallville. But this seriously was like watching a CW television show which shouldn’t be surprising since it was written by a CW writer.

The film stars Alex Pettyfer (Beastly, Wild Child) as John Smith. He is one of the last of his race of super powered beings who now live on Earth. Timothy Olyphant (The Crazies, Hitman, Deadwood) is Henri, his guardian.

This will be full of spoilers.